Understanding Anxiety: Why We Feel Anxious and When to Seek Help

You’re about to give a presentation and your heart races. Your palms sweat. You start to overthink every word. You’re not in danger, but your body thinks you are.

That's anxiety doing its job. It's our body's built-in alarm system, designed to get us ready to handle possible threats, even the invisible, modern ones like judgment, uncertainty, or conflict.

Anxiety kicks off the “fight, flight, or freeze” response — helping us decide whether to fight a threat, run from it, or stay put. This response keeps us safe when we're in real danger.

Think of a zebra running from a lion: that burst of energy and focus helps it survive. Humans have the same system, only our “lions” look a little different. The threats we face today are rarely physical; they’re more often emotional and social, like deadlines, relationships, or the unknown.

Everyday Signs of Anxiety

Here’s how the fight, flight, and freeze responses might show up in everyday life:

Fight (confront or control):

• You snap at your friend for being late, when really you were anxious waiting alone.

• You rehearse a difficult conversation over and over, planning exactly what to say.

• You get frustrated when your coworker doesn’t do things the “right” way.

  
  

Flight (escape or avoid):

• You avoid texting your date back because you're nervous to go out with them.

• You put off making a doctor’s appointment because you're worried about the results.

• You procrastinate on starting a work project by doing small, less important tasks instead

  
  

Freeze (shut down or disconnect):

• You blank out during a test or meeting even though you prepared, your mind going completely empty.

• You feel paralyzed in the grocery aisle. You can’t choose between two items, so you leave without either.

• You scroll mindlessly through your phone, unable to make yourself start the project that's due.

Your brain can’t always tell the difference between real physical danger and emotional stress. So it activates the same stress response either way.

When Anxiety Helps and When It Gets in the Way

A little anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. In small doses, it keeps you alert, focused, and motivated.

It’s that extra energy that helps you:

• Prepare for a presentation or job interview

• Study for an exam or practice before a big event or game

• Do your hair or choose your outfit to make a good impression

• Apologize after an argument or follow up with a friend

• Schedule a doctor’s appointment to check in on a new symptom

  
  

That’s anxiety doing its job! Nudging you to show up, stay organized, and care about what matters.

But anxiety becomes overwhelming when it’s constant or out of proportion to what’s happening.

It’s like running from a lion all the time. Whether you’re walking down the street, sending an email, talking to a friend, checking the stock market, or planning a date — everything starts to feel like a lion.

You might notice:

• Worrying most days about things that haven’t happened yet (and might never happen)

• Physical symptoms like tightness in your chest, stomach aches, or trouble sleeping

• Difficulty relaxing even when things are going well

• Procrastinating on tasks because they feel overwhelming

• Avoiding situations because they make you feel anxious

  
  

The difference isn’t whether you feel anxious, but rather how much space it takes up in your life, and whether it pushes you to act (helpful) or keeps you stuck (unhelpful).

Techniques to Manage and Calm Anxiety

Grounding yourself in the present moment can help shift your focus back to what's real and safe right now.

Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique and notice:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

  
  

You can also try:

• Taking slow, deep breaths (in for 4 counts, out for 6)

• Journaling your worries to get them out of your head

• Asking yourself, “What’s the worst case scenario? How would I handle that?”

• Going for a short walk or stretching

• Talking with someone you trust

  
  

The Good News: Anxiety Is Treatable

Feeling anxious doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means your body is trying to protect you, even if it’s being a little overprotective.

The good news is that anxiety is highly treatable. Therapy and, when needed, medication can help you manage symptoms and feel more like yourself again. You don’t need to wait until it feels unbearable to start using tools to help you feel calmer and more in control. These tools can help “fine-tune” that alarm system, ensuring it goes off when it truly needs to, and stays quiet when it doesn’t.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one evidence-based treatment that can help. It typically involves:

• Understanding what triggers your anxiety

• Learning coping skills to manage physical symptoms

• Practicing techniques to manage worry thoughts

• Building confidence in handling situations that feel scary or overwhelming

• Reconnecting with what matters most to you

  
  

You Don’t Have to Manage Anxiety Alone

If anxiety is interfering with your daily life, our team at Lauren J. Hoffman Psychology is here to help. We specialize in anxiety therapy in New York City using evidence-based, practical approaches.

Ready to feel calmer, more confident, and more in control? Meet Our Team or Contact Us to get started.