Why We Feel Anxious (And When to Seek Help)

We all feel anxious sometimes. Maybe it’s before a big presentation in school, on a first date, or when waiting to hear if we got that new job we applied for. Anxiety is one of the ways our body keeps us safe and our mind focused on what matters. 

It’s the built-in alarm system that alerts us to potential dangers.

But sometimes, that alarm system can become a little too sensitive and start setting off “false alarms.” 

You might feel your heart race before sending a simple email or replay a conversation in your head for hours. When these false alarms get set off, anxiety can feel intense and doesn’t always go away when the situation has passed.

One of the first steps in managing anxiety is recognizing when and how it shows up in our lives. Sometimes it’s just a temporary response to stress, and other times it can linger and get in the way. 

Let’s explore why we have anxiety in the first place and how to tell if it’s helping or hurting. 

Why Do We Feel Anxious?

Anxiety is our body’s way of getting us ready to handle possible threats. It’s one of the things that kicks off the “fight, flight, or freeze” response — helping us decide whether to fight a threat, run away from it, or stay put. This response keeps us safe when we are in real danger. 

Think of a zebra running from a lion: that burst of energy and focus helps it survive. Humans have the same system, but our “lions” look a little different.

The threats we face today are rarely physical - they’re more often emotional and social.

Here’s how the fight, flight, and freeze responses might show up in everyday life:

Fight	Flight	Freeze
You stay up late making detailed plans and lists to feel more in control	You avoid texting him back after he asked to have dinner because you're nervous	You blank out during a test even though you studied, your mind going completely empty
You rehearse a difficult conversation over and over, planning exactly what to say	You put off making a doctor's appointment you've been meaning to schedule	You scroll mindlessly through your phone, unable to make yourself start the project that's due
You research every detail before making a decision, even a small one	You procrastinate on starting a work project by doing small, less important tasks instead	You stand in the grocery store aisle, completely overwhelmed by which option to choose

Your brain can’t always tell the difference between real physical danger and emotional stress. So it activates the same stress response either way.

When Anxiety Helps and When It Gets in the Way

A little anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. In small doses, it keeps you alert, focused, and motivated.

It’s that extra energy that helps you:

• Prepare for a presentation or job interview

• Study for an exam or practice before a big event or game

• Do your hair or choose your outfit to make a good impression

• Apologize after an argument or follow up with a friend

• Schedule a doctor’s appointment to check in on a new symptom

  
  

That’s anxiety doing its job! Nudging you to show up, stay organized, and care about what matters.

But anxiety becomes overwhelming when it’s constant or out of proportion to what’s happening. 

It’s like running from a lion all the time — whether you’re walking down the street, sending an email, talking to a friend, checking the stock market, or planning a date — everything can feel like a lion.

You might notice:

• Worrying most days about things that haven’t happened yet (and might never happen)

• Physical symptoms like tightness in your chest, stomach aches, or trouble sleeping

• Difficulty relaxing even when things are going well

• Procrastinating on tasks because they feel overwhelming

• Avoiding situations because they make you feel anxious

  
  

The difference isn’t whether you feel anxious, but rather how much space it takes up in your life, and whether it pushes you to act (helpful) or keeps you stuck (unhelpful).

Techniques to Manage and Calm Anxiety

Grounding yourself in the present moment can help shift your focus.

1. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique and notice:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

  
  

2. You can also try:

• Taking slow, deep breaths (in for 4 counts, out for 6)

• Journaling your worries to get them out of your head

• Asking yourself, “What’s the worst case scenario? How would I handle that?”

• Going for a short walk or stretching

• Talking with someone you trust

  
  

The Good News: Anxiety Is Treatable

Feeling anxious doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means your body is trying to protect you, even if it’s being a little overprotective. 

The good news is that anxiety is highly treatable. Therapy and medication can both help you manage symptoms and feel more like yourself again. You don’t need to wait until it feels unbearable to start using tools to help you feel calmer and more in control. These tools can help “fine-tune” that alarm system, ensuring it goes off when it truly needs to, and stays quiet when it doesn’t.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one evidence-based treatment that can help. It typically involves:

• Understanding what triggers your anxiety

• Learning coping skills to manage physical symptoms

• Practicing techniques to manage worry thoughts

• Building confidence in handling situations that feel scary or overwhelming

• Reconnecting with what matters most to you

You Don’t Have to Manage Anxiety Alone

If anxiety is interfering with your daily life, our team at Lauren J. Hoffman Psychology is here to help. We specialize in anxiety therapy in New York City using evidence-based approaches like CBT.

Ready to feel calmer, more confident, and more in control? Meet Our Team or Contact Us to get started.